This is Where My Heart Got Me

S said I have sad eyes. A said I looked intimidating today. and that she looks up to me. Primary said I talk out of both sides of my mouth -- hence the need for combining family therapy with one primary session per week. R (psychiatrist) wasn't interest in staffing today. He was staring at... Continue Reading →

Fuck that Shit

Feeling: despair, dread, hate, lost, annoyed, apathetic Got told 2X to go to cooking group.  Rather forcefully. So I went. Ate snack. Now exploring emotions.  NOT happy. If I tell the truth they'll take away my car. My Sunday mornings, ie. my freedom. I already feel so trapped.  So trapped. I'm so done. It's their... Continue Reading →

Maybe You were Right

3 Fucking Tears. Just enough to fuck with my eyeliner. Take off your blazer please. Nothing with pockets in the kitchen. Take fucking note You fucking whore. Sit in your discomfort Appear normal on the outside Calm Cool Collected No one deserves to know. How you feel is your business. If you share you WILL... Continue Reading →

Breakfast Thoughts

Feeling: done, rage, insecure, lost, alone, desperate, fucked, so fucked, apathetic Breakfast thoughts: Just do it so you can be alone. That's the whole point, isn't it? To be alone and die? Nobody knows Nobody cares You're fucking fat Stop yelling at me! Just fucking Eat! Complete. You fucking cow. I hate you so much.... Continue Reading →

Do NOT Drown

Take a step back, Look around, Don't allow yourself to drown. It occurs to me that I am shutting down.  A little more each day I go more and more numb.  I retreat within myself. It began with the self harm on my leg.  No one knows, no documentation. Continued with the caffeine. And sneaking... Continue Reading →

Self Harm Inventory

Thoughts Surrounding Self Harm... I just want to die. I fucking hate myself. Just leave me alone. Let me be. I'm done. Nothing / no one is going to help. This (whatever you want me to do) isn't going to help. Be miserable. Just do it.  You'll feel better. Make yourself miserable. You know you... Continue Reading →

Why did I Open My Mouth?

Disorderedly took pamprin (diuretics) Walked in circles in the reception area. Went up the stairs once. Shadow even looked fat today. Stomach sticks out. I feel so gross. Didn't complete breakfast (90%). --Thought it would be less. Hips and feet and ankles hurt. Like really bad. Took flexural & ibuprofen & pamprin, but it's not... Continue Reading →

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