Do NOT Drown

Take a step back, Look around, Don't allow yourself to drown. It occurs to me that I am shutting down.  A little more each day I go more and more numb.  I retreat within myself. It began with the self harm on my leg.  No one knows, no documentation. Continued with the caffeine. And sneaking... Continue Reading →

Self Harm Inventory

Thoughts Surrounding Self Harm... I just want to die. I fucking hate myself. Just leave me alone. Let me be. I'm done. Nothing / no one is going to help. This (whatever you want me to do) isn't going to help. Be miserable. Just do it.  You'll feel better. Make yourself miserable. You know you... Continue Reading →

The Choice is Hard

Fine when I woke up. Gave into not wearing the same pair of shoes as yesterday. Chose DC's to wear with my black skirt. ED is pissed that I didn't change so I completed breakfast disorderedly. Kept disassociating. Laying down between groups. Super hard to stay conscious. Blackness envelopes me. Like sinking sand I'm sucked... Continue Reading →

My Favorite Words

I lie through my teeth, my actions, my behaviors EVERY DAY. So, hows it going? I'm fine.  Doing okay. A little apathetic, but other than that, I'm good. Completing all my meals. No behaviors; well, besides pace. Thoughts give me away every time... Thoughts at a 9, feeling disinterested apathetic. My favorite Words. Apathetic. Self... Continue Reading →

I’m Not Going to Go

I should be crying I know what I’m doing is wrong I’m only hurting myself By apologizing Accepting all blame But I can’t do anything right It’s all wrong Everything I do is wrong Why can’t I cry It’s numbness All my insides Black and dark and dank and moldy Not a ray of sunlight... Continue Reading →

Numb

Trigger Warning *****************I just want to fucking die. Kill. Myself. Over and out. Straight up. Too bad I don't believe in suicide. Too bad I'd rather live in perpetual torture. Too bad death is too easy of an out for me. Too bad ED says I must live. I just want to feel. All the... Continue Reading →

When ED Gets His Say…

‼‼<<<ENTER A BIG FAT TRIGGER WARNING RIGHT HERE>>>‼‼Okay, now that that is out of the way. Hi. This post is probably going to be all kinds of uber disordered, but these are my thoughts / my life and I need to get it out there. So I have really... and by really I mean REAAAALLLLLYYYYYY been struggling... Continue Reading →

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