There is Safety in Hiding

Decay @Kelsi M. Ozbun So it's been almost a year, again. I've been hiding, and living, but mostly hiding. Today I am hiding. The phone rings, three times now, I think, and I just look at it wondering what the other end of the line could possibly want with me. I am hiding at the... Continue Reading →

This is Where My Heart Got Me

S said I have sad eyes. A said I looked intimidating today. and that she looks up to me. Primary said I talk out of both sides of my mouth -- hence the need for combining family therapy with one primary session per week. R (psychiatrist) wasn't interest in staffing today. He was staring at... Continue Reading →

Protection

Feeling:  withdrawn, pissed off, irritable, aggravated, disconnected Jules leaves today.  What am I going to do with myself?  Withdraw, obviously.  Spend my nights alone and in my head. Can't wait. Realizing how much I avoid, hide, deny (?) so I don't get hurt. Is that the reason I hate how my husband treats me? Because... Continue Reading →

Just Calm

So, disordered completion is great. I feel calm, happy, almost euphoric from it. From Lying. Thoughts at a 6. Emotions: Calm, Confident (disordered) Completed 100% Intention: to complete (disordered) No behaviors ( disordered) (Um, what about force-feeding yourself, safe food choices, uneven pace???) Disordered Disordered Disordered It's All DISORDERED. Be good, but not perfect... Just... Continue Reading →

Ideation At Its, Uh, Finest

**TRIGGER WARNING** Safety. It is important to us all. Without it where would we be? Feeling safe is vital to our well-being, to our happiness, to our overall health in general. So imagine my discontent when I no longer feel safe around myself. Last time I wanted to cut my husband took the scissors I... Continue Reading →

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