That’s all I knew

I am not a fool I know what this is Even if I believe it I’m not ready to say it out loud. I spent how long freeing myself from indoctrination. Believing that all others were wrong— Going to hell wrong, I refuse to believe that; I refuse to push my faith on anyone dead... Continue Reading →

I’m Fucked

Ate a lot yesterday No compensation Today the scale shows I gained 4lbs How am I supposed to eat today knowing this? Going with mother in law to garden city today which means lunch out. Fuck me. I can't I need to fast I went from needing to lose 2.5lbs to needing to lose 6.5lbs... Continue Reading →

Just a Random Bitchfest

I suppose I should write something witty, but I can't think of anything thanks to all this brain fog. I should be working on my church and state essay, but I'm a glutton for punishment so I am procrastinating. I am home because my neck and back hurt so bad I could barely function as... Continue Reading →

Numb

Trigger Warning *****************I just want to fucking die. Kill. Myself. Over and out. Straight up. Too bad I don't believe in suicide. Too bad I'd rather live in perpetual torture. Too bad death is too easy of an out for me. Too bad ED says I must live. I just want to feel. All the... Continue Reading →

Life Perspective

Saw a homeless man walk by me today. Shuffling along, Lighter dangling in one hand. Pants holy and ripped to shreds Wearing a coat in unseasonable weather. And I thought, "Where does he come from? Where is he going?" And then I watched as he looked through a can of trash, Obviously hungry. And I... Continue Reading →

With Every Step You Take…

🎵 I'll be good I'll be good And I'll love the world like I should I'll be good I'll be good For all of the times that I never could. 🎵 -Jaymes Young Why can't I apply this to myself? What is in my brain that keeps me from learning to love myself? Why do I... Continue Reading →

Back at the Beginning Again

I heard a saying today that really resonated with me.  A lady in a documentary I was watching gave an excellent example of the  price a person pays in the battle with anorexia.  I paraphrase,  "You don't know it, but the entire time you're giving it to it, you're paying a price.  Not right then... Continue Reading →

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