For The Love of Music

Day 4: It doesn't take long for that ass of a devil to start sneaking in and trying to spoil good intentions.  I got 3 days down pact before he caught up to me.  However, I am not discouraged, if a little late. Today, I am thankful for music: All Kinds of music.  Music is... Continue Reading →


   Day before yesterday I struggled with thoughts of self-harm all day long. Finally on my way home I stopped and poured my thoughts out to my best friend's cellphone.... Yesterday was bad too. Thoughts of the devil telling me to just come back to him because no one else understands, but he does. I... Continue Reading →


Pretty sure I'm hitting the downward path hard today. Physical symptoms of the depressive side of "Black Mania" setting in: My whole body hurts. My eyes burn. My back aches. My legs are tender and weak. I just feel like I've been hit by a truck. And my mood is significantly impaired. Two days ago... Continue Reading →

Black Mania

****TRIGGER WARNING**** Been battling this disease for five years now and I have never heard the term "Black Mania" until today. The last 9 days have been progressively getting worse for me.  Super busy at work with harvest.  13.5 hour work days for the last week and a half, 10-12 hour work days the week... Continue Reading →

Still Crazy.

******TRIGGER WARNING****** Thought I was getting better. Thought I was over the hump. Thought I was learning to live healthy. I was wrong. Mania is setting in again. I swear I fucking hate this day. So the happy go-lucky false mask falls away from my foul face and reveals the truth. The scars.  The ugly.... Continue Reading →


I am so dimly excited that it is starting to hurt. That's mania setting in again. I feel like I need to catch my breath, or exhale, but I am sitting here breathing normally. That's mania setting in again. I want to study neuro-chemistry and the effects of mental illness on the brain.  In fact,... Continue Reading →


New Shoes! New Nails! New Clothes! New Hair! Can anyone guess the trend? I feel wonderful though..., Another symptom. Upped the Lithium today. As well as the Seroquel. A need has arisen. To calm me down before full-blown mania sets in. Calm down?! Who wants to calm down?! Shhhhhhh..... Some people are so loud. I... Continue Reading →

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