Another Good Day

I want another good day. Full of laughs, smiles, and prayers. Full of hope for the future.... and for the now. Full of LOVE for Christ, Salvation, Resurrection, REDEMPTION... For living fully with Christ in this life. Don't judge any other denomination for their "weird rituals" For they are doing the best with what they've... Continue Reading →

That’s all I knew

I am not a fool I know what this is Even if I believe it I’m not ready to say it out loud. I spent how long freeing myself from indoctrination. Believing that all others were wrong— Going to hell wrong, I refuse to believe that; I refuse to push my faith on anyone dead... Continue Reading →

10/10 Don’t Recommend

Weighed myself last night and internally teared up. I had already decided to fast most of Saturday because I wasn't happy where I was, but I couldn't get out of eating at the wedding reception...believe me, I tried. So today I ate some breakfast and decided that was that. I'll just be miserable and fat,... Continue Reading →

Apathetic Oxygen

While I realize that most of my posts of late are basically my treatment experience I wanted to say that I am glad to be able to share them.  Depressing, anxiety provoking, angst though they may be, these thoughts and experiences are real.  These are the things I experienced while at EDCare, a place that... Continue Reading →

I’m Not Important

Feel so Calm. So Snarky. Semi-happy. It's all DISORDERED. Lied about thoughts, behaviors, intention (kinda) at breakfast. Thoughts at a 5. No behaviors. Intent to complete. Feeling Calm. FUCK THEM. I won't glorify restriction. I'm sorry they thought that of my honesty. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I'M HONEST. THIS IS WHY I HIDE. Can't... Continue Reading →

Freedom and a Side of Coffee

Finally. I'm free. And it terrifies me. ...... "Your eating disorder will get loud." they said. "What are you going to do to not give in?" they asked. I'll be fine, I said. It's not going to get loud.  I have it ALL UNDER CONTROL. ....... I might have been wrong. They definitely weren't wrong.... Continue Reading →

Numb

Trigger Warning *****************I just want to fucking die. Kill. Myself. Over and out. Straight up. Too bad I don't believe in suicide. Too bad I'd rather live in perpetual torture. Too bad death is too easy of an out for me. Too bad ED says I must live. I just want to feel. All the... Continue Reading →

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