I lie through my teeth, my actions, my behaviors EVERY DAY. So, hows it going? I'm fine. Doing okay. A little apathetic, but other than that, I'm good. Completing all my meals. No behaviors; well, besides pace. Thoughts give me away every time... Thoughts at a 9, feeling disinterested apathetic. My favorite Words. Apathetic. Self... Continue Reading →
Trigger Warning *****************I just want to fucking die. Kill. Myself. Over and out. Straight up. Too bad I don't believe in suicide. Too bad I'd rather live in perpetual torture. Too bad death is too easy of an out for me. Too bad ED says I must live. I just want to feel. All the... Continue Reading →
Lunch is interesting these days with my break falling around the same time as my good friend's. Interesting because she has just started to earnestly try to lose weight so our conversations are mostly made up of food talk, calorie counts, how to eat less, and other such frivolities as is connected with diet culture.... Continue Reading →
This article really spoke to me. Many of the thoughts expressed herein are thoughts I struggle with on a regular basis. I hope to someday have the strength to overcome these thoughts and aspire to reach recovery even though it feels so out of reach at this time..... "I don’t know many people with eating... Continue Reading →
I want to scream. I sit silent. I want to yell. I smile. I want to live. I fade away.
Why is it when I am manic I hate food? I mean I usually hate food anyway, but not enough to not eat. Right now I am trying to gag down a Atkins protein bar because I am supposed to eat a steady stream of protein throughout the day to encourage my brain... Continue Reading →