This Facade

**TWIGGER WARNING: SELF LOATHING, SELF HARM, SI THOUGHTS.  DON'T READ IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE**           Shitty mood all day. Made worse by shit thoughts expressed by someone who is suppose to love me I wish I were 17 so I could say, "FUCK OFF THEN stop threatening" without all the baggage. Back... Continue Reading →

I’m Fucked

Ate a lot yesterday No compensation Today the scale shows I gained 4lbs How am I supposed to eat today knowing this? Going with mother in law to garden city today which means lunch out. Fuck me. I can't I need to fast I went from needing to lose 2.5lbs to needing to lose 6.5lbs... Continue Reading →

First and Last

I'm in such a shit mood. NOTHING from insurance or ERC yet. Have a UTI. Called Doc because of persistent fever and back pain CT Scan this AM Cuz they thought it might be a kidney stone. All labs, scan, and kidney function are fine. So repeat UA in 2 weeks. In the meantime I'll... Continue Reading →

Life as I know It

Dr. on Friday. IV Fluids UTI Back hurts, fever all weekend Think it might be in my kidneys Slept most of Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Slept most of Saturday and Sunday, too. Increased intake so body can fight this. Drinking water, too. Weight up. Head Screaming. Haven't heard anything about treatment Chills something fierce BP... Continue Reading →

At least the Rain is Pretty

Anxiety ridden. But at least it rained. A nice, soaking rain. Pretty. Got some written on my paper. Going to get more done tomorrow, Maybe all of it. Head is freaking out because I ate over 1000 cal. Ate lunch and supper. 100% Lunch So whoop-dee-fucking-do to me I don't care that it is 708pm... Continue Reading →

The Cage

Assessment with ERC over the phone yesterday. Hour and a half that one took. Waiting for a return call today to see what kind of treatment they suggest, when/if I go, etc. Semi-ready for this to happen. But then my brain goes crazy. What if this What if that How will you live How will... Continue Reading →

March 21

Met the case manager today. I hope it works out. Paid off EDCare so I am officially DONE with them and SO HAPPY. Just going to worry less about it this time. Let God handle it and they can call me with the details. Weather was lovely today, Car said 65 Suppose to rain tomorrow... Continue Reading →

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