This is Where My Heart Got Me

S said I have sad eyes. A said I looked intimidating today. and that she looks up to me. Primary said I talk out of both sides of my mouth -- hence the need for combining family therapy with one primary session per week. R (psychiatrist) wasn't interest in staffing today. He was staring at... Continue Reading →

Addition on top of Addition

Feeling: perplexed, detached, like hiding, disconnected, disgruntled, irritable Asked about Monday dinner off.  Primary said it's up to me because I have a lot of restoration work to do.  Should have asked my dietician instead. Asked dietician about "restoration work". She said my weight leveled off, so another addition is added. Said my metabolism is... Continue Reading →

Random Thoughts and Ongoings

Skipped DBT, ran by milieu. I'm just done for today. My primary pissed me off. I don't feel like she understands at all and when I try to explain I get responses that feel invalidating to everything I just said. Like, she keeps saying that I have a choice, but I do not feel that... Continue Reading →

Why did I Open My Mouth?

Disorderedly took pamprin (diuretics) Walked in circles in the reception area. Went up the stairs once. Shadow even looked fat today. Stomach sticks out. I feel so gross. Didn't complete breakfast (90%). --Thought it would be less. Hips and feet and ankles hurt. Like really bad. Took flexural & ibuprofen & pamprin, but it's not... Continue Reading →

My Favorite Words

I lie through my teeth, my actions, my behaviors EVERY DAY. So, hows it going? I'm fine.  Doing okay. A little apathetic, but other than that, I'm good. Completing all my meals. No behaviors; well, besides pace. Thoughts give me away every time... Thoughts at a 9, feeling disinterested apathetic. My favorite Words. Apathetic. Self... Continue Reading →

Life Perspective

Saw a homeless man walk by me today. Shuffling along, Lighter dangling in one hand. Pants holy and ripped to shreds Wearing a coat in unseasonable weather. And I thought, "Where does he come from? Where is he going?" And then I watched as he looked through a can of trash, Obviously hungry. And I... Continue Reading →

Day 3: Fallen Angel

Completing by force (Ed's force). Skinny bitches in shorts. So triggering to see leg tendons. Going to crack sooner this time, I think. I almost cry every time I complete. I really just want to boost, but I want my car and I want to leave so I HAVE to complete. Ed gives me the... Continue Reading →

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