10/10 Don’t Recommend

Weighed myself last night and internally teared up. I had already decided to fast most of Saturday because I wasn't happy where I was, but I couldn't get out of eating at the wedding reception...believe me, I tried. So today I ate some breakfast and decided that was that. I'll just be miserable and fat,... Continue Reading →

Self Harm Inventory

Thoughts Surrounding Self Harm... I just want to die. I fucking hate myself. Just leave me alone. Let me be. I'm done. Nothing / no one is going to help. This (whatever you want me to do) isn't going to help. Be miserable. Just do it.  You'll feel better. Make yourself miserable. You know you... Continue Reading →

Learning to Embrace

Its true. I've spent most of the day reevaluating my life choices, namely the people I allow in my life, the way I allow them to make me feel, the way I want to feel, and the giant ass chasm between the two feels. And I've come to the conclusion that I need a stronger... Continue Reading →

It Was Never Me

I am done. Done eating. Done caring. Done trying. All I want is for that # on the scale to dive. To numb out. Pretend I'M FINE. Be a better liar. So no one asks, So no one knows. I can't do anything right; Nothing to please. No matter how hard I try, It always... Continue Reading →

Don’t TElL

*****TRIGGER WARNING***** Not that I wanted to begin the year like this, but hey, to my brain, it's just another day.  I have been struggling with some temptations.  Pretty massive temptations.  The consequences thereof, I am not sure I could handle.  I have NOT given in yet, but the guilt and condemnation that prey upon... Continue Reading →

Spiral

   Day before yesterday I struggled with thoughts of self-harm all day long. Finally on my way home I stopped and poured my thoughts out to my best friend's cellphone.... Yesterday was bad too. Thoughts of the devil telling me to just come back to him because no one else understands, but he does. I... Continue Reading →

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