That’s all I knew

I am not a fool

I know what this is

Even if I believe it

I’m not ready to say it out loud.

I spent how long freeing myself from indoctrination.

Believing that all others were wrong—

Going to hell wrong,

I refuse to believe that;

I refuse to push my faith on anyone dead or alive because that is not how it works.

The Holy Spirit is quiet, gentle, meek for a reason,

He does not poke or the prod in a pushy way—

He gives peace and joy and calmness and steadiness and steadfastness,

He gives conviction.

He doesn’t push:

The devil pushes:

Do it

Do it now!

You are wrong.

You shouldn’t be like that.

You’re not being obedient .

You’re not listening to God because you’re not listening to the leaders.

You shouldn’t cuss.

You should take out your piercings;

Laser remove your tattoos that mean so much to you, that witness to yourself and others about what God has done for you.

Do it.

You’ll receive peace,

—only the peace that I gave into the devil without a conviction from the Holy Spirit.

That’s not how this works boys,

That’s not why I’m here.

Don’t bother with the demands and commands,

They will fall on deaf ears.

I can leave as fast as I came.

Let’s take it one day at a time.

Don’t push change;

Push worth,

Push love,

Acceptance,

Belonging,

Teach me how to be what you call me, a daughter of the most high God;

Don’t ask me to change right away.

It won’t work,

I won’t do it,

Your logic and reason go in one ear and out the other.

I love you like I love my siblings,

You are my brothers,

But I am older, with more life experience, more knowledge of myself than you could ever have.

Patience, please.

Old habits die hard,

Especially when that’s all I knew.

Especially when that’s all I knew.

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