I met the Lord through the weirdest of things:
Now I know,
Isn’t that their job?
Maybe, yes, but
When they knocked on my door and I said, “Sure come back!”
I was really looking to expand my knowledge of different religions,
To debunk their thoughts with my indoctrinated thoughts on whatever subject came up.
I thought it would be a good school research project.
But I found myself having more and more questions,
About what they believed, yes,
But more about what I believed and why I believed it.
And I found in my heart more legalism than I care to admit.
Something I thought I ran from nearly 5 years ago.
Looks like I just took it with me.
When these men knocked on my door, they brought me God.
They brought the Truth I couldn’t handle at first.
There were many tears, much screaming at God, and confusion … not to mention anger.
I prayed and prayed for clear direction when all I could see was confusion and disaster ahead
God said, “You already know the answer. You just don’t want to admit it.”
And I couldn’t.
Even though these two knew. They could see it in my spirit, my countenance, on my face, in my voice, something changed. (And I wanted to punch them in the face for it)…
This is NOT where I thought I would be at 36,
But then, I’ve been a lot of places I thought I would never be and this is probably the best one so far.
I am happy, joyful, content, eager to learn, to please God, to split myself off from this thing I once was in favor of a life of wildly violent recklessly abandoned love for myself (Whaaaa??), this life, my people (all people), my God, my family, all the things.
I quit smoking cold turkey almost 2 weeks ago, haven’t had a drop of liquor since then either, I’ve been eating 3 meals and 3 snacks almost 100% everyday, drinking more water, and trying to eat what is fixed.
I no longer count calories (though the numbers still flash in my head occasionally) and I threw away ALL of my laxatives, diuretics, and diet pills.
Some days are easier than others, I still struggle with fear foods, wanting to skip meals, and cigarette smoke is soooooo dang enticing I can hardly stand it.
I have also been attempting to clean up my language and not use my favorite word…..AT ALL.
That one is hard, I’ll admit.
But it is so worth it.
I am so happy,
Happier than I have been in 8 or 9 years
and I am not willing that anyone or anything should take this from me ever again.