What is it like?

Emptied Pond.
Wrote 2 Posts.
Weeded.
Intentionally did not eat
Then J came home and asked what I ate
So I went to Wendys (400).
Drinking hot tea and water.
Did decent until I ate a PB&J (240) and a whoopie pie (94).

Happy mood most of the day.
Finished reading Wintergirls. 
It was really good.
Not triggering.
I could see it playing like a movie in my head.
Could read it again.

I liked how the author wrote…
Almost just like I think.

Last night I was in bed by 7PM, asleep by 8PM
Woke up a little before 7AM

Talked to K for a bit today.
She is on the look out for a cocker puppy for me.
Thank you, Dad.
J won’t be impressed.

Talked to Jh today.
Wouldn’t share how she’s doing as per usual.
Just wanted to talk about me.
And I obliged and now I kind of regret it.

Miss Griffy.
Snuggling with Aria lots.
Also,

Apparently 7 years go today papa died.
I didn’t remember until my sister said something.

I want my Griffy back.
It isn’t fair that he had to drown and I never heard him
It isn’t fair that Maci was so sick
They were MY BABIES
MY DOGS
My children
My best friends
Who loved me unconditionally…
Maybe the only ones,
Well, and Dolly Maddison.

My heart just aches for them,
Wretches with anguish for them.

At least they aren’t suffering anymore.

I wonder what death is like.
Maci just slumped over unable to sit up anymore and stopped breathing.
Griffy was face down in the water.

Was it peaceful?
Was it stressful?
Did it hurt?
What is on the other side?
Are they just nonexistent now?
Poof — Gone
Like they never even were?
Surely not.
Surely God cares for them as He cares for us

Now I’m crying
Damnit.
I’m going to bed and sleep this away.

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