Maybe You were Right

3 Fucking Tears.

Just enough to fuck with my eyeliner.

Take off your blazer please.
Nothing with pockets in the kitchen.

Take fucking note
You fucking whore.
Sit in your discomfort
Appear normal on the outside

Calm
Cool
Collected

No one deserves to know.
How you feel is your business.
If you share you WILL get hurt
Like all of the 1000’s of times before.

Just work the system.
You know how.
Be fine.
So fine they believe it.
So fine you believe it.

He’s backing you into a corner;
the others will, too.
Like a bull in a china cabinet
Feeling trapped
Alone
Lost
Unheard
Invalidated
Unimportant

Just like always.

How could this make anything change?
How could I feel better, EVER?
How could I ever trust when all people do is fucking hurt me!

“Too slow, too weird, too loud, too much”
“Act your age; be mature.”
“I can’t be with you like this; I’m leaving.”
“I can’t handle you anymore, Kelsi.  I need a break.”
“You’re a spoiled little bitch who can’t be told ‘no’.”
“UP YOURS.  I’m done.”
“I’m done with all of this.”

Maybe it means he’s just done with me.
Maybe he doesn’t really love me.
Maybe he never did.

 

Day 29 of treatment.

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