Protection

Feeling:  withdrawn, pissed off, irritable, aggravated, disconnected

Jules leaves today.  What am I going to do with myself?  Withdraw, obviously.  Spend my nights alone and in my head.
Can’t wait.

Realizing how much I avoid, hide, deny (?) so I don’t get hurt.
Is that the reason I hate how my husband treats me?
Because I can’t keep him from “hurting” me?

Everything is about protection:
Control to protect
Avoid to protect
Let go to protect

Look put together, act put together,
Be put together.

You’ll be fine.
I’ll be fine.
I’m fine.

 

Day 28 of treatment.

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