Still Crazy.

******TRIGGER WARNING******

Thought I was getting better.
Thought I was over the hump.
Thought I was learning to live healthy.

I was wrong.
Mania is setting in again.
I swear I fucking hate this day.
So the happy go-lucky false mask falls away from my foul face and reveals the truth.
The scars.  The ugly. The hate.  The anger.

I cannot stand the impertanence of some people.  The audacity to act like a fucking idiot and to expect to get away with it.
Speak.  Say what you think.  Tell me what you feel.

Fuck you.  You don’t deserve to know how I feel.  I don’t have a thing to say to you because it is all useless.
Like everything that comes out of your mouth.

WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO WEAK AS TO LET WORDS ATTACK MY SOUL WITH THE VICIOUSNESS THEY DO??
WHY DO I HAVE TO LET IT AFFECT MY MIND AS I HAVE??

I HATE WEAKNESS.  I HATE THAT MY MIND IS WEAK.  SUSCEPTIBLE TO CHEMICAL IMBALANCES.  TO CAUSE ME PAIN.  to cause me to torture myself; hurt myself.

I made it a year.  A YEAR without triggering.  But not today.  Today the pain feels good.  Like I deserve it.  I know I do.
Now I have to come up with excuses.  Lies.  and I hate lying.  I hate people asking me and making it necessary for me to lie more.

I really just want to die.  disappear.  go home.  stay there.  in a hole where I do not have to deal with fucking idiots anymore.  Go to hell.  I probably will.

This is not me.  Why are you here?  Leave me alone.
Doesn’t it feel nice to know that you’re still crazy?

One thought on “Still Crazy.

Comments are closed.

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: