Thought I was getting better.
Thought I was over the hump.
Thought I was learning to live healthy.
I was wrong.
Mania is setting in again.
I swear I fucking hate this day.
So the happy go-lucky false mask falls away from my foul face and reveals the truth.
The scars. The ugly. The hate. The anger.
I cannot stand the impertanence of some people. The audacity to act like a fucking idiot and to expect to get away with it.
Speak. Say what you think. Tell me what you feel.
Fuck you. You don’t deserve to know how I feel. I don’t have a thing to say to you because it is all useless.
Like everything that comes out of your mouth.
WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO WEAK AS TO LET WORDS ATTACK MY SOUL WITH THE VICIOUSNESS THEY DO??
WHY DO I HAVE TO LET IT AFFECT MY MIND AS I HAVE??
I HATE WEAKNESS. I HATE THAT MY MIND IS WEAK. SUSCEPTIBLE TO CHEMICAL IMBALANCES. TO CAUSE ME PAIN. to cause me to torture myself; hurt myself.
I made it a year. A YEAR without triggering. But not today. Today the pain feels good. Like I deserve it. I know I do.
Now I have to come up with excuses. Lies. and I hate lying. I hate people asking me and making it necessary for me to lie more.
I really just want to die. disappear. go home. stay there. in a hole where I do not have to deal with fucking idiots anymore. Go to hell. I probably will.
This is not me. Why are you here? Leave me alone.
Doesn’t it feel nice to know that you’re still crazy?