Dear Readers,


I apologize.

Life has happened.  Over and Over and Over.

I was expelled from my church.  Which I am okay with.  I asked to be because I was not living how I should have been.  I let legalism best me and the devil tore me down.  I hated that I left a bad witness for the church, but I hated how trapped I felt more, I think.  I love the church and I love the people, but I was not convicted of the things I was doing and so, felt condemned because of my lack of ability to do what I “should” have been doing.

I cut off my hair, but I still wear dresses more often than not.  I polished my nails with gray-blue polish for the first time in literally ten years.  My Husband bought me a new wedding ring set.  He told me he liked buying me a ring and likes to see his wedding bands on my fingers.  We have yet to pick it up as it had to be sized and soldered together, but I am hoping it will be done by this weekend so we can go get it.

School has taken its toll on me.  It is still going good, but I got behind in the current class and have three papers to write this week :?.  I actually have two weeks after this one to turn them in, but I want to get it all done and have those two weeks to relax.  This current class has had an essay due every week (two last week!) and I love to write, but this is wearing on me.

I started back to work in December.  I work at a grain elevator 6.5 miles north of my house.  I was not fond of it at first because my “boss” was a 25 year old kid with no interpersonal communication skills whatsoever.  He was rather rude to me and I recently found out it was because of my choice of religion.  He pitted my coworker and I against each other and the whole time I thought I just could not stand my coworker, but actually it was all the negative comments spewing from my superior’s mouth that poisoned my thoughts and attitudes against him.  I am soooo not proud of that fact.  I do not have an excuse.  I should have seen the devil in that, but I didn’t.  I felt gross everyday and I hated work.  I did not understand because I had prayed and asked God to guide me.  If he wanted me to go back to work, for whatever reason, then I would.

Three weeks into work I was wondering if I had misread something or maybe taken the job too quickly.  Four weeks into the job and I was ready to quit. Five weeks into the job I found out they were kind of selling the business to a local company and that my current boss would not be staying.  The new company offered me a position to stay on, a pay raise, and better insurance.  Not to mention, an awesome new boss.  There was God.  He used the beginning period as a trial and experience to learn and then offered me the real answer to prayer.

God is good, all the time!

Mentally I have stabilized, for the most part.  Got off of the Depakote, and on a low dose of lithium.  Still on the Seroquel as well, but at a lower dose as it still helps me sleep.  Received my genetic testing kit in the mail so I can have testing done to discover if and what type of Charcot-Marie-Tooth I have.  The Neurologist has my current diagnosis as Demyelinating Peripheral Neuropathy.

Maybe, hopefully have found a house.  In the country.  Brick. Garage. Enough bedrooms for the girls to each have their own.  4.5 miles from work. 26 miles from town. 3-ish miles from school. Only 1 mile of dirt.  I hope we can afford it.  I hope we get approved.  It’s not town, but it meets all of my requirements and my husband’s as well, I think.   I was quite discouraged about it before because I had worked on the application/approval process since last July with the USDA Rural Development Loan Department to see if we would be approved for a direct loan, only to find out three weeks ago that we made too much.  My husband made too much.  So now we start over.  But I see God in it.  Patience is a wonder for me and he is teaching me.

Today I prayed for help with being chronically late.  I am determined to continue to pray for it until I overcome it.  Lateness is a bad habit I have and have never been able to overcome,  but I want to be a good employee and be on time!

Well now that I have written a decent sized essay that no one will read I’ll be off.

I hope to get back into blogging more soon, but until life calms down and I find more time that may not happen.  It is interesting how much time is not my own anymore.

Love to you all!

4 thoughts on “Dear Readers,

  1. Welcome back! That is a lot to go through in a few months! I hope you can find time to breathe soon and relax a bit!

    1. Hi Cassie,
      Thank you for your thoughts! I hope I can, as well. My Hubby and I have taken a little vacation this weekend and it may turn out to be longer than expected as we are in a snow storm, but that would not hurt my feelings one bit, as I neeeeeedddd it, lol.

  2. So, your old English teacher will read your essay. I don’t like the sound of “Demyelinating Peripheral Neuropathy.” I have neuropathy as a side effect of chemotherapy–no fun. Your struggle to find God in all things is wonderful. I have decided that if my suffering with cancer or other issues serves God, then I will gladly suffer. I have seen how the suffering of my ancestors served God, and made the world a better place for me, so I can do it if required.

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