I HAVE BEEN GONE FOREVER.
Life has happened. Over and Over and Over.
I was expelled from my church. Which I am okay with. I asked to be because I was not living how I should have been. I let legalism best me and the devil tore me down. I hated that I left a bad witness for the church, but I hated how trapped I felt more, I think. I love the church and I love the people, but I was not convicted of the things I was doing and so, felt condemned because of my lack of ability to do what I “should” have been doing.
I cut off my hair, but I still wear dresses more often than not. I polished my nails with gray-blue polish for the first time in literally ten years. My Husband bought me a new wedding ring set. He told me he liked buying me a ring and likes to see his wedding bands on my fingers. We have yet to pick it up as it had to be sized and soldered together, but I am hoping it will be done by this weekend so we can go get it.
School has taken its toll on me. It is still going good, but I got behind in the current class and have three papers to write this week :?. I actually have two weeks after this one to turn them in, but I want to get it all done and have those two weeks to relax. This current class has had an essay due every week (two last week!) and I love to write, but this is wearing on me.
I started back to work in December. I work at a grain elevator 6.5 miles north of my house. I was not fond of it at first because my “boss” was a 25 year old kid with no interpersonal communication skills whatsoever. He was rather rude to me and I recently found out it was because of my choice of religion. He pitted my coworker and I against each other and the whole time I thought I just could not stand my coworker, but actually it was all the negative comments spewing from my superior’s mouth that poisoned my thoughts and attitudes against him. I am soooo not proud of that fact. I do not have an excuse. I should have seen the devil in that, but I didn’t. I felt gross everyday and I hated work. I did not understand because I had prayed and asked God to guide me. If he wanted me to go back to work, for whatever reason, then I would.
Three weeks into work I was wondering if I had misread something or maybe taken the job too quickly. Four weeks into the job and I was ready to quit. Five weeks into the job I found out they were kind of selling the business to a local company and that my current boss would not be staying. The new company offered me a position to stay on, a pay raise, and better insurance. Not to mention, an awesome new boss. There was God. He used the beginning period as a trial and experience to learn and then offered me the real answer to prayer.
God is good, all the time!
Mentally I have stabilized, for the most part. Got off of the Depakote, and on a low dose of lithium. Still on the Seroquel as well, but at a lower dose as it still helps me sleep. Received my genetic testing kit in the mail so I can have testing done to discover if and what type of Charcot-Marie-Tooth I have. The Neurologist has my current diagnosis as Demyelinating Peripheral Neuropathy.
Maybe, hopefully have found a house. In the country. Brick. Garage. Enough bedrooms for the girls to each have their own. 4.5 miles from work. 26 miles from town. 3-ish miles from school. Only 1 mile of dirt. I hope we can afford it. I hope we get approved. It’s not town, but it meets all of my requirements and my husband’s as well, I think. I was quite discouraged about it before because I had worked on the application/approval process since last July with the USDA Rural Development Loan Department to see if we would be approved for a direct loan, only to find out three weeks ago that we made too much. My husband made too much. So now we start over. But I see God in it. Patience is a wonder for me and he is teaching me.
Today I prayed for help with being chronically late. I am determined to continue to pray for it until I overcome it. Lateness is a bad habit I have and have never been able to overcome, but I want to be a good employee and be on time!
Well now that I have written a decent sized essay that no one will read I’ll be off.
I hope to get back into blogging more soon, but until life calms down and I find more time that may not happen. It is interesting how much time is not my own anymore.
Love to you all!