On Love

Happy Tuesday everyone!

So I have been home for a little over a week now and things are finally starting to get back to normal (YAY!).  That cleaning streak?  Still going strong lol.  I mean I have went through every drawer, every tote, every box, every cabinet I could get my hands on.  I reorganized my back room so that I could finish cleaning my sewing room.  There is finally walking space I am happy to report, but it’s not done yet.

Revivals started last Tuesday and the meetings have been very uplifting for me.  I feel like I am starting to understand myself spiritually a bit better.  One night I stayed home with the girls and my Husband went and at the end of the service when announcements were called for he got up and went to the front of the church and told how inspiring the message had been for him and some other things that were wonderful to hear, but I was rather shocked to hear his voice on the telephone (in a good way, lol).

This brings me to my thoughts for the day.  I have had trouble in the past with my feelings for him.  Some days I just loved the thought of him and other days I couldn’t stand him and I was done; leaving.  Our relationship has been very tumultuous over the years, but today I am so happy, nay, proud to say that this man is my Husband.

I always knew there was something special about him even before we met.  I’d go to the store where he worked and just stare at him.  I thought he was so beautiful.  I also thought I’d never have a chance with him.  So imagine my surprise when he started talking to me after I started to work there and then when he asked me to hang out.  I will never forget that night.  From that time I knew he was the one.  There was no other.  Even when I wanted there to be.

As I sit here and type tears keep coming to my eyes as my heart fills with joy and love for this man who has stayed by my side through the good and the bad.  He never left me when I made him sell his stuff to buy me drugs, when I cheated on him, when I decided to go to this church which he said he’d never attend, never let our children attend, when I went crazy and to the hospital (twice in one month),  when I screamed and cried, yelled and cussed, hit and kicked, threatened death.

We have talked about what if we’d split up and we both agree, there will never be another.  There is no one else for him or for me.  And I thank God for that.  For the love that He has given us which has stood all the tests the devil has thrown at it.  Others would have given up, split up, divorced by now, but not us and I truly believe it is thanks to God.

It seems that the norm is if it gets hard you just give up and leave.  It’s easier to start over than to work through it.  The devil has tempted me with that before, but I am here to say that our relationship has gotten better with time, stronger with every passing trial, and I can’t wait to see where we are ten years from now.

And to you who have deemed yourself lord and judge over me and my life and said that my Husband must be a total loser if I have to get on here to find praise, I pity you for you obviously do not know love like we have.  I also forgive you for your hatefulness towards me.  I feel no ill will towards you nor do I have negative feelings towards you.  I feel bad for you.  I write to help myself and others and if you do not see this, it is not my problem.  Being human has condemned me, but Jesus has saved me.

“But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love that He had for us, made us alive with the Messiah even though we were dead in trespasses.  You are saved by grace!”

– Ephesians 2:4-5 (HCSB Translation)

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