Good Enough

October 12, 2012

Halloween seems to be welling up inside of me this year, but when I watch things – ie. Commercials, cartoons, &c. that I liked to watch when I was little – it excites me though I can see the devil in it.

It’s like a couple of friends of mine; they want the blissful ignorance of “there is no god”, but knowing what I do now I could never go back to that and I wonder how they think they can.  Push it away; ignore it; whatever, but I will always know that there is a God, what he says goes, and he knows everything I do, say, think; all of it.

I can’t live by the law of the church.  I have tried and tried only to fail repeatedly.  There is a balance somewhere for me and I will find it.  It will not be like others who lived similar situations before me, but it will fit for what God intends to use me for.

I don’t always understand or like it, but deep down I know God has a way.  God uses even the least of us and I am one of the least.  I believe I have grown as a person and as a Christian.  Someday God will bring me about-face and the struggles I have now will float away in the wind.

I think a lot about the end of my life; the end of the world.  In that sense, nothing matters, except to be heaven bound.  But we live in the here and now.  If God didn’t want me to think/live/whatever in the here and now, at least a little, then why put me here?

It is our actions in the here and now that determines our future.  It all intertwines somehow.  I may never figure that all out – I know I won’t.  I don’t need to.

I am trying my best here and now.  Unfortunately, that just isn’t good enough; never will be.  But that is where Jesus comes in.  He, only he, has made it possible for me to be good enough.

2 thoughts on “Good Enough

  1. You know, I know I started blogging for a reason. I thought it was to better understand my illness mostly, but it has turned into so much more than that! I’ve got piles of books and notebooks at home from over the years, but this is amazing. Even three years ago I knew. Apparently I didn’t really know that I knew, but I knew!! I think I have turned about-face. But I know. This little post just reaffirms my current thoughts and actions.

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