It’s not always bad. My anxiety has been higher lately because I’m trudging through a valley right now. But I can only go up from here right?!
I think I am on an even keel about 60% of the year, give or take a little. During which time I love to be with my friends, sew, cook, and even clean.
My home is cleaner and my children happier. I even try harder to please my Husband. Bills are paid and life goes on rather normally.
It is very nice. I get out and take walks; find the joy in the little things: sunsets, clouds, trees, the rustling of dried corn stalks, the smell of dirt, the Kansas breeze.
And most importantly, I have a relationship with God.
When I am sick that seems like it is always the first thing to go I am ashamed to say. I know He’s there, waiting for me to lean on Him during my troubles, but I just don’t care.
Eventually though, I come to the point of no return. I can no longer manage on my own. I can’t do anything because I’m so panic stricken by everything.
It is then that I find myself feverishly praying for help and forgiveness and in His abundant love and mercy, He forgives me and I fall into His arms.