The Right Answer

My daughter was sick once last night and had a bad stomach all night and most of today.

I find myself unable to speak the word or even write it for fear of a repeat night tonight.

Granted, last night was not bad compared to previous experiences and I’d much rather have last night again if given a choice between the two, but I am still finding myself fearful; to the point of paranoia.

Paranoid of touching stuff she has touched (even thought I have made her wash & rewash her hands) and then touching my eyes, or nose, or mouth, or face in general.

Paranoid of the two younger girls and my husband doing the same; of sharing germs.

While I washed the dishes I found myself wondering if germs drown in water or if I need to soap and re-soap and let it rinse under scalding hot water for 5 minutes.  Did I get the germs off??

I’m sooo tired, but I am afraid to get ready for bed.  I feel like I need to stay dressed—prepared—for the next thing.

At least they are all in bed now so I can’t badger them about how they are feeling & what does that mean?? & what does that mean??  No, it’s either one or the other.

Poor things.  I see it in their eyes,  they don’t know what to say—what I want them to say.  I don’t know what I want them to say either.

There doesn’t seem to be a right answer.

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